Goodbye November: To be completely honest I’m relieved November is over. I had extreme highs and lows this month. Certain days I felt great, everything was going my way, and other days I felt competently defeated.
I feel like I should be straightforward and honest about this, I haven’t been mindful or utilizing basically any skills the past months. I feel like I’ve been putting on a happy front for co-workers, friends, family. Continuing to go through the motions, but inside I feel like I’m running around in circles.
When this feeling arises, I know my foundation is shaky. And by foundation, I mean the basis upon which I stand and am supported by, which is my recovery.
When my foundation is shaky and I don’t reach out for help, which I admittedly haven’t, I tend to get tuck in a cycle: I can’t enjoy good foods without feeling shame and guilt, my negative self-talk increases, self-esteem decreases, and the chance of me motivating myself to make good decisions quickly plummets. I let slips, whether it’s by a lot or by a little, take hold. I feel frustrated, exhausted, angry, embarrassed, and disappointed.
Hello December: So, in December, my goal is to just recognize, investigate, and be curious where I went wrong and take the necessary steps to fix it. I am giving myself permission to take my time and validate my efforts in getting up each day and fighting these demons. I cultivated not so great habits and a sugar addiction over years and years, and they can’t be magically be fixed overnight.
I would also like to work on Radical Acceptance: “this happened. I am walking with this is my life. Sometimes it will be hard, and that’s okay.” I surrender to the fact that I’m addicted and use food for the wrong purpose than what it’s meant for. I accept that this is something I will need to work on for a long time. My healing needs me to trust, to take time, and to allow for imperfection.
What are your December goals?