Boundaries are the guidelines we’re consciously aware of or make known to let our friends, family, co-workers, peers and strangers know how we want to be treated and set expectation levels. Ultimately, our boundaries align closely with our values to lets others know what is okay & not okay.
Setting boundaries can help you feel happier, calmer, more productive, and less anxious. And while there are ENDLESS amounts of benefits to setting boundaries, most of us don’t do it because it’s hard. We’re worried we’ll hurt someones feelings or damage a relationship; when actually, when done strategically it can strengthen your relationship with others and yourself.
Setting boundaries is not about being right or dominant or picky or too self-involved. It’s all about self-respect and understanding the value of your authenticity and integrity.
If we spend all of our time trying to be the kindest and the nicest, we unintentionally allow others to assume that their actions and ethics are appropriate.
In my own life, I was a doormat for years. I wanted to please everybody at all times. It was exhausting, pushed me to fall back into bad habits, and I was disappointed when others didn’t put the same amount of effort as I was giving. Once I became aware that setting boundaries is a crucial part of loving myself I started to make a list:
- Told my team that I will be more efficient if I have 5-10 minutes in the morning to collect my thoughts. During this time, I will not answer emails, phone calls, & don’t want anyone jumping with questions as soon as I enter the office
- If I feel like someone is toxic to my well being or it’s a one-sided relationship, I am not afraid to remove them from my life.
- I don’t like drama & negativity, I would rather my friends talk to me if something or wrong or off in our relationship.
- Not feeling responsible for others actions
- Making the choice to surround myself with positive people who teach, support, & push me.
- Time is precious. My friends know that I sometimes need time to myself after a long days work, or sometimes I will need to cancel our plans because I need to rest and relax.
TRUSTING MY INSTINCTS OF WHEN TO SAY YES & NO
Do you have any boundaries that you’ve set that have helped your relationships?