Confession … I’m in a funk. Mentally I am just not where I want to be and I can’t seem to shake it. The past few days I’ve been dragging my feet, overwhelmed with waves of exhaustion, and drained of energy.
I can usually pinpoint the trigger: work stress, low self-esteem, boy troubles, exhaustion, but this time – it’s like a hovering cloud of anxiousness, negativity, self doubt and overthinking.
A bunch is happening the next few weeks: 5-day family vacation, happy hours, my birthday, weekend in Boston, and an Aruba trip in October. These trips are wonderful and exciting. They reboot my stress and feelings of gratitude for my friends, family, environment, and culture I’m lucky enough to be apart of.
Despite that, as they get closer, fear and self-sabotage set in. I anticipate that I won’t be able to live in the moment because I’m focused on my appearance and the potential for weight gain. These thoughts and feelings stop me in my tracks and spark immediate self-sabotage.
Lightbulb Moment! The belief that these trips are going to hinder my recovery is probably a huge trigger for me. I’ve binged throughout the last three days, which I know (according to the measurements of a slip: Frequency, Intensity & Volume – read more about that here) is too long and signals something if off.
I went on a walk yesterday after work & listened to Maddy Moon’s podcast with Jaimal Yogis . My biggest takeaway is that there is no difference between the feelings of nervousness and excitement, it’s only the stories you tell around it. Talk about perfect timing for a life lesson AM I RIGHT?! My initial feeling around vacations is jump-off-the-wall excitement. I make itineraries, plan transportation, & am the research expert. Once that settles, the excitement shifts to nervousness around my recovery and weight gain. I ask myself over & over: how am I supposed to succeed when I’m entering a high-risk environment that basically promotes slipping into old habits?
There in that moment (if it’s a day, week or month out) I’ve not only set anxiousness into motion and paved the way for self-sabotage, but I’ve instilled the negative self-talk in the present moment.
I need to work on changing the story. Instead of telling myself “I will fail, I will gain weight, I’m going to miss out on so many foods”, I’m changing the story to say “This is a chance for me to put my recovery in motion, I get to spend a weekend with my friends & family filled with fun activities, I get to explore new places.”
I woke up this morning ready to show up. Showing up for my friends, family, co-workers, and most importantly – myself and this wild journey I’m on. I made the choice to spill my guts about the good, bad, ugly because it has the power to help others just as much as it helps myself. If I don’t take care of me specifically in these moments, there’s no way I can take care of anyone or anything around me. If you’re in a funk, try changing the story. Risk digging deep to find out what pulled you back and try to change that story.
What are some ways that you actively boost your mood when you’re in a funk?