I read this really great article on MindBodyGreen yesterday: 5 Life-Changing Questions To Ask Yourself When You’re Feeling Unmotivated and I thought about my goals in different areas of my life (see below) and thought it would be interesting to try to identify the behaviors/attitudes/etc that are holding me back from reaching my goals.
- HEALTH GOALS: Mindful eating (3 complete meals + 2 snacks), weighing and measuring, self-monitoring at time of meals, getting back to a comfortable weight of 162-164 pounds, movement
- MIND/SOUL GOALS: Journaling, self-care, meditate, practicing DBT skills
- CAREER GOALS: movement within my current employer, learn about new industries
- SOCIAL/RELATIONSHIP GOALS: go on a date, meet new people, finding the balance
1. Am I feeling frustrated because my desires are unfulfilled?
- HEALTH: Yes, it ranges from the number on the scale to the feelings of uncontrollable cravings and grazing. Once I met my “goal” I assumed I wouldn’t go backwards and would have more room for flexibility. Now, I get angry because changes aren’t happening as fast, or they’re going reverse.
- MIND/SOUL: Frustration goes back and forth. My goals depend on the week and a pretty consistent goal is to be stable. On a day to day basis I’m doing pretty good here which is amazing because it took a LONG time to get here. I always assumed Mind/Soul was grouped together with what I weighed in that moment. It was an amazing realization that I don’t need to be a certain weight to be happy, practice self-care, etc.
- CAREER: No – another place in life that’s okay right now. Currently in the process of making an exciting career shift.
- SOCIAL/RELATIONSHIPS: Yes – I’m feeling frustrated, my expectations are high and I get nervous the more time that I’m single. I always think it’s me, not being in the right place at the right time, etc. I think I expect I’ll meet someone in the line at Whole Foods, romantically on the subway (yes – I have these thoughts). But I need to learn that I need to be ready for that person and it takes work. Whether it’s actually keeping a conversation with someone on Bumble, putting myself out there, etc.
2. Is my current situation no longer challenging me or inviting me to grow?
- Basically no for everything. The one place where I felt was no longer challenging was work, and now that there’s an opportunity for a promotion and more responsibility that’s filled the gap. Everywhere else though, there’s room for growth and reaching those goals.
3. Are my expectations unrealistic?
- HEALTH: Yes, this prompts the frustration and anger. Need to put the focus on growth and the goal at hand, not what society has told me to do that happiness = a number on the scale or perfection
- MIND/SOUL: Yes,
- CAREER: No.
- SOCIAL/RELATIONSHIPS: Yes, which leads me to feeling defeated and that I’ll never meet anyone to love me or my “person.” But it also proves why I need to meet these goals of actually getting out there, being vulnerable in a space in life where I’ve always held myself back, and taking risks.
4. Am I practicing self-care?
- HEALTH: Yes. Movement, SoulCycle, walks, not getting down if I skip the gym for a Netflix night
- MIND/SOUL: Yes. Meditation, Journaling, Face Masks
- CAREER: So-so. Could give myself more breaks, walks outside.
- SOCIAL/RELATIONSHIPS: When it comes to social, yes. My friends are self-care for me. Getting massages, manicures, walks, coffee chats, a quick cocktail, always makes me feel better
5. Am I comparing myself to others?
- HEALTH: Yes. Especially on Instagram, blogs, social media where people are always succeeding, etc.
- MIND/SOUL: Yes. Again, social media is the culprit of comparing myself to others. People posting their self-care routines, waking up at 5am for a workout, eating 100% balanced meals.
- CAREER: Yes
- SOCIAL/RELATIONSHIPS: Same thing as above, yes. I hear stories all the time about friends meeting guys in bars, online, randomly, at parties – and I think – well … I do those things too and I haven’t met anyone for YEARS.
So, the big question now is, when I look at this list what are the biggest offenders and what is preventing me from meeting those goals above.
I definitely think my top 3 are: feelings of frustration, comparison and expectations – especially when it comes to health and relationships. I also think these are the two, that I’ve thought the MOST about (usually negative) but have given the LEAST attention too. So this next week, I definitely work on reversing the frustration and comparison by noticing the negative thoughts when they arise, recognize others accomplishments — but be aware that social media does not show their whole life and their internal struggles we all have, and that you cannot be perfect and meet all of these goals at the same time!